I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
