That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
