JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
