i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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