I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
