If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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