oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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