Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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