She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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