Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
