Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
