i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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