Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
