Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
