he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
