Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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