So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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