Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
