So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
