i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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