I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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