That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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