you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
