Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
COCAINE IS GR8
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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