We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
