Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
