Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
