Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
