so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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