you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
