so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
