They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
