She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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