I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
