I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
