She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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