Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
