it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
