Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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