Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
