I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
