Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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