so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
