she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
