She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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