we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
