we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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