She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
