i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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