So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
