Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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